Have you ever been offended at church? It seems to be a fertile ground for people to get offended, for it happens more often than not.
“They sat in my seat.”
“The pastor didn’t shake my hand, but shook Mrs.Friendly’s in front of me.”
“Such and so left the coffee pot on all week and there was no toilet paper in the restroom this morning.”
“That deacon was so mad, his face was as red as a tomato, and did you hear his language during that meeting? I don’t even talk that bad.”
“Did you see how many times those new people’s kid was out of his chair?”
What happens When We Get Offended
Opportunities for offense lurk at every corner.
Church is no different. Unfortunately, with our culture now being centered around offending others and being offended, it’s not a problem for most Christians anymore. Nonetheless, a seed has been planted.
Some church members walk around in denial, ignoring the freshly planted seed.
Others can’t ignore it, watering them through damaging gossip, while seeds of bitterness grow invisibly, like cancer in others. On the outside, you can’t tell them apart. They suppress all signs of being offended, as they put on their fake smile, greeting their offenders as if nothing ever happened. Talk about dishonest!
All groups are lying to themselves, each other, and God. Ignoring offenses isn’t just dishonest – it’s a sin. It divides congregations, and more importantly, stops the flow of the Holy Spirit, like a short in electrical wiring.
This should prompt us into a willingness to confront offenses and offenders and is probably why the Bible instructs us in Luke 17:3 to confront, forgive, and forget.
A Closer Look
Before panicking, remember, Jesus never leaves or forsakes us, plus he equips us and gives us His strength. All things are possible with Him (Phil. 4:13).
In the Greek, the word trespass means to violate a rule, cross a line, to commit a grievance (real or perceived), or even miss the mark (fall short).
As you can see, it is easy to be offended. No matter the offense, when we’re offended, Jesus tells us how to handle our offenses. However, rebuke is such a scornful word in my mind, that I avoided heeding this scripture, but won’t now that I learned what it really means. In Rick Reiner’s Sparkling Gems, he shared the Greek definition. It shocked me so much, I have chewed and chewed on it ever since. Oh, the definition is far from being harsh in any form or fashion, so read up.
Rebuke means to speak frankly, honestly, and politely as you tell the person how you feel you were wronged. It also means to give honor as you’re speaking honestly.WOW, what a revelation!
Yes, to rebuke is to confront, but not in the way I originally believed. This is doable. This verse actually commands us to, regardless of how we feel, or if it is a person or words rattling inside of us. Both need to be confronted (acknowledged and dealt with).
How to Confront
Step 1 – Pray.
First, ask the Lord to examine yourself. See if there was wrong wording, some action that could have been misperceived on either end. It is possible to confront our emotions without confronting an offender.
Next, pray for the offender by thanking God for that person and recalling good things the person has done.
If you still feel you need to confront the person over this matter, ask the Lord for advice and His direction, and wisdom. He is able to tell you when to and what to say.
Step 2 – Put yourself in their shoes.
Are their times you have offended someone? More than likely, it was an accident. How did you feel when you found out? Were you Embarrassed or sad? How were you talked to? Honestly, or angrily? Were you forgiven?
These questions should give you compassion and prepare your heart to respond the way rebuke is meant to be. . .in love and reconciliation. Get ready to give mercy the way Jesus has, and probably others.
Step 3 – Confront in love and reconciliation.
Remember to not be accusatory with your choice of words or tone of voice. Be like Jesus – anger and judgment aren’t necessary.
Don’t say: “You ticked me off,” or “You made me mad.”
Do try a more gentle approach, like “When you were late, I felt you didn’t appreciate the opportunity.”
They aren’t your enemy. Their goal wasn’t to destroy you or your life. Both of you are on the same side. More than likely, it was a miscommunication or a misunderstanding. Maybe they lost control because they were under stress. Your goal isn’t to prove how wrong the other person is, but rather, figure out how to work together better.
Time to Forgive
The definition, itself, instructs what we should do. We must remember to do this for the offender, but also for ourselves. When we realize we’ve sinned, we need to forgive ourselves for not casting our cares when first offended, holding on to a grudge, and every other sin riding the tail of being offended.
In Greek, forgive means to let go, set free, discharge, or liberate completely. I picture a wild encaged animal being prepared to return to their own environment after being held captive to heal from an injury. When the door is opened and the animal leaves, no person chases after it to put it back into bondage. We shouldn’t do the same with an offender. In time, we will forget.
Let’s Talk.
Does confronting scare you?
Did the definition of rebuke help encourage you to try?
What keeps you from forgiving those who offended you, besides the fact it’s tough?
© 2019, Jena Fellers. All rights reserved.
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