Nicknamed “A Visionary Without Vision” by an author friend, I understand the importance of having a vision. It’s Biblical. Have you ever heard “Two heads are better than one?”
No, I’m not talking about double vision, but two sharing a vision is better than two people with separate visions.
In our marriage many seasons have come and gone.
We raised children, homeschooled, birthed and lost more than one business, added on and built houses, married off our children, had grandkids, and faced tough health issues. While pastoring, we experienced the unusual fate of the government buying out an entire town the one in which our church resided.
Pastoring, by itself, can be stressful.
- We’ve had our congregation flow in and out like the ocean tides.
- We’ve watched little tikes turn into young men and women.
- We’ve watched loved ones get diagnosed with cancer, and travel their cancer journeys with us by their side.
- We’ve remodeled and repaired from tornado damage, wear, and tear, and a freak water fountain accident this Easter.
- We’ve witnessed the changing of the guard of musicians, teachers, deacons, and leaders, some even smoothly.
- We’ve rejoiced by performing weddings and celebrated with heavy hearts as those we served left this earth.
- We reached out to the community by co-founding Word in Action Ministries, which fed 1,000,000 meals to those in need over nine years, without knowing where finances, food, or volunteers were coming from. A real test of faith.
- We don’t advertise the times equipment was stolen, my husband was almost stabbed or had a gun pulled on him at the church. Those adventures could make other books.
- We’ve also shed tears of joy like proud parents when seeing baby Christians mature and find their gifts they serve Jesus with.
Over the years, I observed several spousal relationships among other pastors I knew. One was extremely involved by leading music, playing piano, teaching Sunday School, cleaning the church, and planning all. In another, the wives almost acted as if they hated God and resented their husband’s occupation. Then, there were women serving as co-pastors side-by-side, and women pastors whose husband’s didn’t attend church at all.
One day, I happened on to an article about what busy leaders needed from their spouses. Reading this, a light bulb went on. Michael Hyatt claimed leaders and their spouses needed to share a vision. I had always felt Steve and I had a good marriage, and others always commented on how in love we were, yet I didn’t realize why, until that moment.
What do I Mean by Sharing a Vision?
I’m referring to sharing the same vision or goal as your spouse. One with a greater goal supporting marriage and family. It simply means your shared goal is a higher priority, and benefits ALL concerned, instead of just one. This DOES NOT mean each spouse can’t have separate goals. Whatever your goal or vision, there must be a bigger one the two of you share.
In order to share a vision, you must:
- Realize visions or goals will be achieved and new ones will replace them through varying seasons of your marriage.
- Requires a great deal of understanding of your spouse (translation – be more flexible, compassionate, and ensure their needs are met as an individual).
- Be willing to take initiative. You might be able to delegate at work, but this approach backfires in marriage. In other words, pick up the slack. It’s not about how much each person does, but rather, getting the job done for the common benefit.
What does Sharing a Vision Look Like?
For us, common vision (goals) included:
- educating our children
- getting businesses up and running smoothly
- building and remodeling houses twice
- getting out of debt
- church growth
- finding other methods of employment that would work with the ministry
- feeding nightly meals as an outreach in our community
- preparing for our retirement
During each of these seasons, how we worked together varied. Both of us have played different roles in paying bills. Certain tasks at home changed. I cooked, he cooked, and we cook together. We always divided responsibilities at work or home, changing them according to current demands on time.
The only thing that has been consistent has been the fact I’ve never taken kids to appointments. I guess my husband feels very strongly about people without sight not driving, or maybe it’s because it is illegal.
It’s much easier to love someone and work together when you’re on the same team. The goal is to win the game. As a team player, you win quicker when you work together, not to mention celebrating is much more exciting. The bonding during the process has benefits, too.
A special thanks to my husband, Steve, for being on my team.
Let’s pray more marriages share visions, but also for Christians and Americans to do the same!
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© 2023, Jena Fellers. All rights reserved.
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