Now, not seeing at all, I was going down memory lane to a situation that taught me a huge lesson and I want to share it with you.
Twenty plus years ago, unable to see details anymore, from the progressive eye disease called Retinitis Pigmentosa, I still enjoyed looking at shapes out of the car window when driving. One day while riding, I blurted, “Oh, look! I actually see some cows. How many are there?”
To my surprise, my husband replied, “There aren’t any cows.”
Confusion and fury were both jockeying for position, because I still wanted to see. “What do you mean?” I questioned.
This conversation repeated itself 2-3 times more, until my frustration had turned into full-blown anger. Wanting to see so bad, I really felt he was lying to me, even though that was contrary to his nature. Never arguing this way before, Steve was equally frustrated and angry. Pulling over, we tried again, speaking slowly, as if that would make a difference. Finally, he decided to go back and see if we could figure out what it was that made me think there was cows in the field.
Questioning me after backing up far enough, Steve wanted to know if this was the spot where the cows were.
I nodded.
Softly giggling to prevent getting hit, he calmly explained I had seen trees.
Still perplexed, I threw out more questions for clarification purposes. Finally, I realized he was right and wasn’t trying to prove anything, but was confused himself and wanted resolution.
The way the sun peeked through a clump of trees, it threw a shadow resembling cows in my brain. Tears began to drop as I realized I might be seeing many things wrong. This was the first time I had become aware visually that things weren’t always as they appear.
Later, I began noticing this phenomenon elsewhere. Every day, we make judgments about others based not on what we see, but on our perceptions of what is seen and heard. Equally dangerous. How many times have we thought family members were lazy when they might not have been taught? We’re constantly accusing people falsely in relationships at home, work, and at church. Then, our perceptions can provide false security as well. How many have trusted spouses to be faithful and not seen the marriage had any level of turbulence? How many have trusted a person with their children, learning later they was not trustworthy? Many times things really aren’t as they appear.
In marriages, most arguments aren’t about the words coming out of their mouth, but rather something a little deeper. Words merely are symptoms or emotional responses to a deeper hurt. If your friend shares their argument with you that they and their spouse had, one thing can be guaranteed…there are three sides to the story. Yes-his, hers, and the truth. Emotions alter our perceptions so, here again, things aren’t as they appear. We’re not even considering the fact human behavior always attempts to make themselves look better by omitting or adding to the story. Therefore, we don’t need to believe what we hear most of the time either.
Why is it then we tend to believe our own judgments made from our often false assumptions or perceptions? We allow ourselves to get angry, bitter, spread gossip, and much more, when we don’t take the time to see things from a different view. Similarly, we form bias when we should have different reactions. Maybe a reason DOES exist as to why others might not be meeting our expectations.
Eph 4:31 Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:
Eph 4:32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.
© 2016, Jena Fellers. All rights reserved.
June Wilson says
Excellent thought provoking analogy to make one think, not to be so quick to judge others. There are principals that are correct at times, yet we do not always know the rest of the story. Help us Lord to love with your love, to be compassionate of others.
Jena Fellers says
Great prayer, June. We need to love with God’s love because we don’t know the rest of the story. Thanks for chiming in. Be blessed.
Robin Dixon says
Excellent food for thought Pastor Jena!
There’s always more to a story than meets the eye! There’s always more to a person’s heart and life than meets the eye!
When people act or react in ways that are not the norm or expected…I have learned that it is good to stop and think for a minute….that if I knew their background or raising possibly it would be easier to understand them. Things are not, always as they first appear, as you have stated.
Jesus, please help us to be patient, kind and loving…….and possibly we all need to work on long suffering.
Pastor Robin
Jena Fellers says
Yes, Robin. We’ve both seen this in our church and in Word in Action Ministries, huh? Open the eyes of our heart, Jesus, so we can see others through Your eyes. Amen. Be blessed.