No one wants to be graded on parenting abilities, but what if we knew we could earn straight A’s? Wouldn’t it put a smile on our face and confidence in our step?
It would me.
Whether or not I received a grade card, knowing I earned all A’s by my kids would make me feel blessed indeed.
What if focusing on five words accomplished this feat? What if the five words started with the letter “A”?
I could memorize that. Whew! That sounds much easier than reading and retaining a long manual.
Parenting Goal
The goal of a Christian Parent is to raise our children to be healthy, well-adjusted, independent adults who have a relationship with Jesus Christ. We don’t have to fix everything for them. We don’t have to have all the answers.
In fact, we need to quit trying to be our kid’s hero and guide them in the ways of the Lord so they can know the true Hero and glorify Him with all their being.
Straight “A” Curriculum
Today’s lesson shares the five A’s of parenting. When implementing these action words, you will develop a firm foundation for your child to be secure and confident, emotionally well-adjusted, and enables the odds of finding Jesus as their Lorde and Savior as well.
- 1) Accept
Accept your child as God created them – in His image with a plan and purpose. Each child is a one-of-a-kind, unique, unrepeatable masterpiece! (Eph. 2:10)
True and complete acceptance shows unconditional love, enabling your child to understand God’s love firsthand.
What if children’s personality, ability, or health is different than we expected? We still need to accept and love them unconditionally, the way Christ loves us with our strengths and blemishes.
It can be a challenge to accept a child with a birth defect, has special needs, lacks desired intelligence or athletic ability. As parents we automatically yearn to show our children off or live through them to fulfill failed attempts from our childhood. Maybe we wanted to be a famous entertainer, musician, artist, athlete, preacher, speaker, or author.
Discovering God’s dream and plan for their lives will allow you to set aside yours and accept them easier.
Accept them by:
- Demonstrating our love and acceptance equally.
- not showing favoritism
- not trying to make your child something they weren’t created to be.
No matter how hard we try, we can’t turn a hummingbird into a woodpecker. Neither can we force our children to be something they aren’t, but we can learn to accept their uniqueness and foster it.
God’s got this!
- 2) Acknowledge
In your relationship with your children, be aware of your child’s achievements. Then, acknowledge them on a regular basis.
Praise goes a long way. It is a form of feedback, showing you were pleased with their behavior, thus reinforcing it, setting future expectations.
This, my friend, builds confidence!
I witnessed the power acknowledging appropriate behaviors has. I was student teaching at a mental health facility’s preschool. It didn’t matter if praise was in the form of words, stickers, food, or other rewards, behavior changed immediately.
Examples of Praise:
- “I’m proud of you for remembering to brush your teeth on your own.”
- “You did that all by yourself. It doesn’t matter if it wasn’t perfect. It’s beautiful to me because it was done by you.”
- “I appreciate the way you stood up for the girl being bullied.”
- “You held the dog’s leash with the right amount of slack.”
- “You are finishing more math problems faster now.”
Even teenagers need to be acknowledged – probably more often than you think, and on what might be insignificant to us. Your support provides strength, even though they won’t acknowledge it – bummer.
Whether you realize it or not, acknowledging or silence equally shape your child’s behavior and mindset.
For fun, tell a friend about the accomplishment in ear shot of your child so they can overhear. No amount of praise, when sincere, goes to their ego.
- 3) Affection
According to a family therapist, it takes 4 hugs a day to survive, 8 per day for maintenance, and 12 a day to thrive.
Yikes! We all fall short.
Daily affection reaffirms you love them but showing it after they get in trouble is a way for them to know they didn’t mess up too bad. They’re forgiven.
Kids don’t think like we do and blame themselves for more than you’ll ever know.
Affection can also be shown through:
- pats
- covering one’s hand
- holding hands
- resting a hand on a knee
- lightly touching a forearm
- putting your arm around a shoulder or waist
- lightly kissing cheeks, forehead, or lips
- playful tickling
- wrestling
- AND, my favorite, BEAR HUGS!
Both receiving and observing daily affection teaches appropriate affection necessary for healthy relationships. Doesn’t your heart feel something special when seeing a couple in their 80’s holding hands in public? Uh-huh.
Being affectionate is one of the three healthy traits in relationships so they may as well learn it from you.
- 4) Authority
Such a strong word, often misunderstood or misused, yet a necessary pinnacle of a family unit, designed by God.
Authority is defined as the power or right to give orders, make decisions, and the right to direct or control someone or something.
God placed parents in a position of authority over their children to have command, jurisdiction, charge, power, and control of.
What a large responsibility. We are to train up a child in the way they should go. Just as Jesus set an example for us to follow, we are to be an example to our children.
This means God calls us to love and discipline our children. We are not to:
- do everything for our kids, in order to receive their love.
- be a dictator
- Fulfill our dreams through them
- Take advantage of
- Ignore or neglect
- Try to be best friends
- Micromanage and smother them
- Let them have free reign and become your boss
If we remember to be Christ-like showing unconditional love, respect, and discipline, we’ll build a relationship with our children, making it easier to teach them to become independent adults who accept Christ and grow in Him.
Our main job is to teach them God’s ways, His character, and how to live in the world without being “of” the world.
As a schoolteacher, I carried over rules and rewards to my parenting style. I emphasized these more than relationship. I wasn’t an authoritarian, but I found myself reacting to disobedience with punishment over “training.”
God opened my eyes to other methods that actually accomplished my goal of training – and, with less resistance.
Every child is unique and so are you. Seek the Lord to show you what is appropriate for each of your children.
- 5) Admit When You’re Wrong
Ouch! Are we talking apologizing here?
Yes, I’m afraid so.
This one is the hardest for me to implement. Deep down I want to be right, and if not, I don’t want to confess it to anyone, let alone my child.
My family tends to move things without putting them back where they belong. Not good for a blind person. However, I put things back, but I can feel for something and miss it when less than an inch away.
This means my children get blamed whether guilty or not. If I find it to be my fault, I didn’t apologize – at least not back in the day.
Words build up, or crush, children. Words can’t be taken back any easier than toothpaste can be put back in its tube, but specifically saying, “I’m sorry for…”
We all have bad days where we yell or speak harshly because…
- we are upset at a high bill
- a spouse ignored us
- worried about severe weather alerts
When this happens, apologize. Don’t be like me, and let pride stop you from doing what’s right.
Apologizing doesn’t make you weak. Actually, it grows respect. It’s okay for them to know you are human and make mistakes also.
Your child may not grade you on how good of a parent you are, but by implementing these “A’s”, they have a better shot at being a successful adult who will:
- be self-sufficient
- have Godly character
- have confidence
- be a good employee
- be a good parent
- keep in contact with you
- work well with others
AND, most importantly, they won’t put you in a nursing home!
Since these “A’s” are part of God’s design, He will make sure you are on the Honor Roll!
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© 2025, Jena Fellers. All rights reserved.
Jena this was such a a wonderful article! I’m glad I received it! So glad to see that you are still writing!