Footloose and fancy-free in college, the unexpected would wrap my future in a tight cocoon like a caterpillar, before being set free.
The culprit?
A rare, progressive eye disease. Its name was Retinitis Pigmentosa, and I was diagnosed with it my first summer.
In the beginning, hindrances were minimal during the day. Nighttime was a different story though. It was like having the lights go out during a power outage in the city.
That’s probably because the symptoms of Retinitis Pigmentosa (RP) are tunnel vision and night blindness. It was like looking through an empty toilet paper roll during the day and moving around as if a blind spy at night.
I had to take advantage of what freedom I had as long as I could. The doctors believed I might have 3-5 years to read, and no sight left within ten years.
Poor distance vision forced me to sit upfront in classes to read the chalkboard. My eyes literally followed the professor’s arm movements to guess the words being written.
I would never read a whole word anywhere again.
Homework grew more challenging too. I could only read three pages in thirty minutes before napping an hour from strained eyes.
Desperate, I hired several “readers” who read my textbooks. After receiving an assignment, I’d call them, check their schedules, and pick a winner, who came by to grab my textbook and cassette tape recorder.
They read my assignments and returned everything. I followed along in the book while listening to the tape before my next class period. Repeating this process for five classes developed good organizational skills but was exhausting.
Memory quickly became a must. To avoid being thought of as stuck-up, I quickly memorized friends’ clothes, the way they walked, and their hair styles. I recognized hair cuts and new glasses on people before anyone else. Learning voices came much later.
Walking during the day made me feel almost normal, except for being clumsy and tripping over shadows – literally. Well, finding new classrooms was difficult, but once I knew where something was, I remembered.
Possessing a driver’s license, I could’ve driven during daylight if I had a car. With vision slipping away, I didn’t renew it but tested again after college. I obtained it, keeping it ten years before surrendering forever.
While driving, landmarks replaced reading signs, and being home before sunset was a must.
Independent Living
Living alone as a special education teacher, I managed housework on weekends and read with magnifying glasses.
Shopping had to be done during daylight, which meant weekends. I memorized what aisles different products were on, and their logos along with their packaging shapes and colors. This prevented reading, saving me time.
Nighttime, however, held me hostage in my own home, reminding me of my bleak future. Bound by darkness, I distracted myself with lesson preparations.
Since pencil and invisible ink were no different to me, I used black pens or felt-tip markers instead. Colorful markers made folders easier to differentiate and find.
Time quickly became my enemy. There wasn’t enough. I moved too slow. Finding where I laid things down, along with cooking, cleaning, paying bills, and shopping left no time to live.
Disability
Once on disability, new loss faced me daily. Appliances were marked with glue dots for my independence. Special machines and equipment were used to read lists and pay bills.
Shopping became tougher as increasing varieties of products made choices impossible. Moving them constantly for marketing purposes didn’t help either.
Mobility outside became impossible…no more retrieving mail by myself. Inside, increased lighting and contrasting colors were a must. More and more I became dependent on memory and feel.
The world as I knew it had shrunk.
Freedom
God brought me my knight in shining armor when I built a house after going on disability. My restricted mobility changed to a world of exploration.
For every new restriction I faced, a new way of doing it appeared or was replaced with a new skill or talent.
They have enabled me to homeschool, run a business, be a pastor’s wife, teach children’s’ church, be on the worship team, co-found a feeding ministry, and become an author.
Now, I’m expanding to become a course writer, a Resilience Mentor, and hopefully, a You-Tuber.
The greatest freedom came by God changing my mindset. I realized:
1. Everyone has issues, dilemmas, and problems requiring adjustments. I wasn’t alone.
2.There are seasons in life. Freedom and beauty can be found in each season.
3.When struggles encompassed me as if in a tight cocoon, I knew I’d have to go through and not maneuver around. With God, I could face anything. He gave me strength and brought me out stronger than before – just like a butterfly.
Don’t let your struggles hold you captive. Instead, let every trial turn into a triumph…setting you as free as a butterfly.
I know God can help, and my Resilience Mentoring might too. Check it out here.
QUESTION: What struggles have bound you? Share how God strengthened you in the process in the comments below.
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© 2025, Jena Fellers. All rights reserved.
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